|Perls of wisdom from bathrooms
||[Nov. 20th, 2005|10:00 pm]
|||||something vaiguely dance/trancy||]|
My mother was the travel agent for guilt trips.
If you can piss this high, join the fire department.
- On the wall in the men's restroom at a height of 6 feet.
If Bush were captain of the Titanic, he'd say we were stopping for ice.
Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity.
God is dead.
Nietzsche is dead.
But wouldn't it be better if he had invested?
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.
In Taiwan, the translation of the Pepsi slogan "Come alive with the Pepsi Generation" came out as "Pepsi will bring your ancestors back from the dead."
Also in Chinese, the Kentucky Fried Chicken slogan "finger-lickin' good" came out as "eat your fingers off."
Phone Messages :
Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
(Narrator's voice:) There Dale sits, reading a magazine. Suddenly the telephone rings! The bathroom explodes into a veritable maelstrom of toilet paper, with Dale in the middle of it, his arms windmilling at incredible speeds! Will he make it in time? Alas no, his valiant effort is in vain. The bell hath sounded. Thou must leave a message.
Hi. I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.
[Hickory Daily Record, 12-21-92] Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally shot himself to death in December in Newton, N. C., when, awakening to the sound of a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed instead a Smith & Wesson .38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to his ear.
Upon getting into an elevator a passenger asked, "Is this lift going up?" "No, replied someone at the back, "We're going to fool everyone this time and go sideways."
Real Answers from Tests Given Sixth Graders:
There are 26 vitamins in all, but some of the letters are yet to be discovered.
Mushrooms always grow in damp places, which is why they look like umbrellas.
And my person fav, from a bathroom wall :
God made pot. Man made beer. Who do you trust?